Reboot =]

I was having a tricky time with Ana and my boyfriend...
Ana commands eat less and the boyfriend is the other, However, i don't care about my curves, and I realised that all the rib definition i had been gaining was going! so I will eat only in front of him, and otherwise not at all. and Mia is always around if i need her?

So yesterday averaged at about 600 cal? Not good enough! I did spend ALL day walking around brighton in the freezing cold though, so i hope that accounts for something, but i'm not subtracting anything as it'll make me feel like i've eaten less when i haven't because i'm fat...

Staying at home ill today, means i can avoid breakfast, probably avoid lunch ( have fruit if i cant) and then only nibble on dinner, depending on my boyfriend!

I won't fail this time...

xxx

Tuesday 2nd February - AH FUCK IT

FUUUCK... EPIC BINGEING TT_TT!!!! I ate so many calories today because of my bingeing!! I feel so awful because i did... I can do lots of exercise now though i guess... It wont fix it all, and if i try not to eat anything until diner tomorrow i should feel a little better about myself?

Its my brothers birthday tomorrow so i hope my resolve holds tomorrow... I cant binge again, I will feel so bad... I'm already fat... And i cant deal with it any more TT__TT

1st February 2010

Okay, it's a new month, yay! Last month was decidedly average... No net weight gain or loss... Just a lot of fluctuation... So this time it'll be much better!

The last two days were bothe decent, saturday ha a grand total of about 500 calories, and Sunday was not so good at found 1500, but it's still lower than the "average" so all is good... I've discovered a great way to stop myself from bingeing! Smarties, the mini ones T 66 cals a pack work well because I take a good hour to eat them, and by the time I've thrown away all the brown ones, and one of every other colour there's only just over half a packet left.

Also I've started throwing or not eating a quarter of what's on my plate. It cuts down my intake by loads and makes my parents think I've eaten more than i have..

As I'm on a bus, my stop is coming up, so I'll update again later!

Alina
xx

Friday =]

Well, Technically its saturday by now, buts its about my friday =]..

Semi decent day till the end... Stayed on low cal until dinner where my friends came over and made me eat 3 slices of pizza TT_TT so many cals... At least i threw most of the cheese off them.. ^^ yay.. I also managed a bunch of exercise too so that makes me feel a little better, 300 sit ups, over 90 mins walking (concentrated) and some push ups...

Hope this weekend is going to be all fruit and veg! my parents will probs try to get something else in me, but i can always try to purge..?

Skinny is Sexy people!!

xx

Deadlines DX

I haven't checked the scales in so long now.. I'm scared to look as i know that they will have moved up and up. I can see my hipbones better now, i noticed today in the shower ^^ but my stomach is still so very fat... I've been doing toning exercises to try and fix the squish on it, but it doesn't seem to be doing anything!! :(

I'm trying to find motivation to avoid food around the school, an awfully hard task when you're boyfriend drags you down to the common room shop every few minutes to satisfy his boundless hunger 0.o... I found out about the show "supersize vs. superskinny" which is pretty good motivation, especially when skipping because you keep your mind busy and your body working ^^... I've also lost the ability to edit the text on this blog, >=[ How frustrating...

Today will be a good day! I'll make sure of it, and if it is, maybe i can gather up the courage to check out my weight X_x.. Do i write to much in these posts....?

xx

Oh shit...

I feel awful, I've been better, no more proper bingeing, but I still eat far too far too much! I'm updating this from my iPhone while I'm in a free period in school.. So I apologize for any mistakes! My dad thinks I'm mia, and is now watching what I eat muh too closely for me to get away without dinner, which is rather crap. It means I've eaten loads because of the duper calorific meals my mum cooks for me... Especially when I'm not hungry. =\ I've been doing a lot of exercise to try and make for it though, still not happy though...

I need it to get warmer so I can do some proper exercise and walking without freezing and losing motivation too early.. I will walk home todayi think, I kinda have to, I think that I'm putting on weight! But I am also getting fitter...

Totally unrelated, my hands are always freezing, it's starting to make it hard to function... I stop wanting to move and things when I ge too cold, which is not good in school! I'll have to move more to keepmy temperature up... Grrrr.... This is really hard to type on this phone, but it's all good, it's killing the time in this free period..

Note on laxatives: do they work? Really? And which ones? Because I can't purge when I eat, especially now, so they might make things a little better...

Me loves ya loooowwddsss!!!!! Lol, especially the people I can talk to by text, it keeps me trying hard! I will get to my goal weight no matter what it takes!

Xxxx

Raised Spirits

I ate WAYYY to much yesterday! FUCK! I really shouldn't have, on the upside however my weight hasn't changed at all.... 0.o Not quite sure why it didn't go up, can't say i'm complaining though!! Today however has been good so far, I had a miso soup and grapes, coming up to around 90 cal...

Then i worked out and burnt of approx. 200 =D yay!

I'm probably going to be forced to eat dinner, but i think i can keep it low cal... although it will be chinese food DX

I got a personal trainer! Yay, that guarantees me at least a good fat burning work out once a week, and i'm thinking about joing a dance class too.. Not sure what type of dance though... Pole dancing?? =P

Work Work Work, at least that means i'm too busy to eat, Now, i just need to keep this up through out the next week!

xx